I am the very model of a modern Tory Minister

 To Carole Cadwalladr with huge respect

I am the very model of a modern Tory Minister

The way we get our funding now is nothing short of sinister

We wallow in the millions donated by Temerko

Despite the murder that they carried out on Litvinenko.

We’re dancing to the policies that stream out from the Kremelin

Like rats who scamper to their deaths behind the pipe of Hamelin.

We tolerate the poisoning of poor old Sergei Skripal

To keep the Russian oligarchs from closing down their Paypal.

But so long as right wing editors will never put the boot in

The voters never know about the links we have with Putin.  [chorus repeats x3]

We know that it would only take the journalists to dig more

Before they found the truth about the links of Andy Wigmore

What drives dear Lubov Churnukhin to be so free with her stash

And understand the motivation of Dmytro Firtash.

If any journo questions why the Russians wanted Brexit

We know Security will lead them quickly to the Exit.

I am the very model of a modern Tory Minister

The way we get our funding now is nothing short of sinister

So long as right wing editors will never put the boot in

The voters never know about the links we have with Putin.  [Chorus repeats x3]