Thursday, October 03, 2019

#NationalPoetryDay Harry, Meghan - and Diana

Today being #NationalPoetryDay, and also the day after Prince Harry decided to sue the Mail on Sunday for its slobberingly fawning yet covertly aggressive Royal coverage, I am putting this one up again, which I made on the occasion of the wedding last year. I was of course gunning for the position of Poet Laureate, but am still waiting for my barrel of sack.

You don't have to be a Royalist to hold that the Mail on Sunday deserves a good kicking.

Lines on the Royal Wedding  of Harry and Meghan

It's so hard to see how our great Press will manage
To rise to the challenge of the new Royal Marriage.
How can they best and appropriately carry
The heart-swelling romance of Meghan and Harry?

Compared to previous Marriages
Is this more Travelodge than Claridge's?
Will they dive in the Royal Garage
And mobilise the Golden Carriage?
Or will they just, for Meghan Markle
Grab a motor from the car pool?
Readers are screaming to be told: Who'll park all
The cars and horses of the Royals?
And do the princelings suffer boils?

Then there's the guest list for this Marriage.-
We have to expect a deafening barrage
Of calls for the list to include Mr Farage.
It's the Will of the People. Do untold damage
To the Monarchy if Farage is left off the list,
He might end up being right royally pissed.
To shun Mr Farage would be more than a trifle
It could force him to go on the streets with his rifle.

And then there's the issue of how we see Meghan?
What if it turns out that she's some kind of pagan?
Or even (God save us) a gluten-free vegan?
That clearly would mean that she can't be a Royal.
So our truth-loving hacks must burn midnight oil
To find every fact that a web search will bring
That could tarnish the name of a possible King;
They must get themselves ready, professionally to fling
Not just a few clods of muddy brown soil,
In the general direction of this would-be New Royal
But a sky-darkening deluge of malodorous slurry
At the partner that Harry has chosen to marry.

This is the traditional monarchist manner
Our journalists follow.
                                                Just think of Diana.

(c) Richard Lawson Dolberrow 03/05/2018

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