Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Lid Mystery Solved

Just as a change from politics, I have found an answer to a great mystery recently, and am willing to share it, free of charge, with those who are ready. If you have difficulty with matters lavatorial, look away now.

Readers of the male persuasion know that there is an issue with the lavatory (or "toilet") seat.
By seat, we mean the bit that looks like a polo mint, not the lid or cover. Basically, it must be raised before any act of micturition from the erect position. By erect, I refer to posture, (as in Homo Erectus)not to tumescence. If the latter is present, it is better to sit down and adopt the Thinker pose. In fact it is better to do this in any case, because stand-up pisses cause a microscopic aerosol of splashes even when the aim is unerring. However, we recognise that not even the newest New Man has enough time in his day to detrouser and sit every time.

To resume: for a stand-up, the seat must be raised. But at the end of the operation, it must be lowered again if we are to avoid criticism.

Many men have wondered why this is? Ever seeking for new knowledge, I raised the question first with a group of men friends. The consensus was that it was to show that the aim had been unerring, and that we had not hit the seat, then raised it to conceal the evidence.

I then went into the next room, and not without some nervousness, put the question to female friends who had settled there to discuss chocolate. It quickly became clear that the men were Wrong.

The reason that the seat must not be left in the vertical or non-operational position is that women do not check its postion before use. They enter the loo (privy, washroom, "little girls' room") prepare their clothing for action, and, (and this is the extraordinary thing) they reverse onto the toilet and sit down. Needless to say, if the seat is not in place, they hit porcelain, and not only do they hit porcelain, but also it is lower than they calculated, so they hit with more than expected speed.

So that is why we should always leave the toilet with the seat down. Now you know. Pass this information on in the interest of inter-gender peace and harmony.


weggis said...

OK here's the plan Guys.

We not only put the seat down but also put the lid down. So, when they reverse into position and start peeing it doesn't go down the pan but all over the lid and onto the floor. Then WE complain to THEM about their aim.

DocRichard said...

er, yes, thanks Weggis, but I don't quite see how this advances inter-gender peace and harmony?