Thursday, March 26, 2009

Mervyn King the Financial Wizard. Not.

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Have any other readers noticed the similarity between Mervyn King and Geoffrey Howe the Thatcher Slayer? I wonder if they are somehow related?

Not for the first time this year, things do not look good on the financial department. Quite apart from the fact that other governments are beginning to disagree with the Keynesian policies of Obama and Brown, in addition to the fact that Obama is having to slow down his Green New Deal because of opposition in Congress, as well as the news that Brown's sale of Government bonds has not sold out, indicating that investors are not all that sure the UK will not go bankrupt sometime in the next 40 years, we have to read the dismal news that Mervyn "Dead Sheep II" King, Governor of the Bank of England, is beginning to close the door on further Government spending.

Obviously this blog can not solve all these problems before the coffee break, so I will just focus on Mr King (or should that be Lord King of Dead Sheep the Second?). Lord King, you have tossed uncounted billions into the swirling vomit-worthy cesspool that is the financial services industry. You have put £250 billions of taxpayers' money at risk in insuring the uninsurable, in betting that somehow the demented chickens of the black market Ponzi derivatives will somehow not come home to roost in the banks that bought them in a poke, thinking that they were nice fat pigs. You have chucked money in a spirit of insouisance and gay abandon at the unreal economy, and
  • now that it is time for the Treasury to stimulate the real economy, to give people the Right to Rent, to buy up at a fair price the mortgages that were so foolishly handed out by manic money makers;
  • now that it is time to put real insulation into real houses so as to save real people from real illnesses and real high fuel bills;
  • now that it is time to get really big schemes rolling to generate real energy for real people without damaging the real ecosphere on which our real lives really depend;

Now you tell us there is no bleedin money! Because it has all gone in saving the banks!!

(Pause while descriptive expletives subside from the speech centres of the brain, and tufts of hair are removed from my already depleted scalp).

Mr King. Mervyn. Lord Sheep of Dead the Second. Governor. Guv. Listen:

Have you ever heard of the term "Investment?"
Definition: "A placement of capital in expectation of deriving income or profit from its use".

Mervyn, Mervyn. Merv. Out here in the real world, we need jobs, we need insulation in our roofs, and we need energy sources that do not wreck the planet's heat exchange system. I could go on, but I have other things to do, but if you need more information on this subject, I am sure the tea lady or perhaps your secretary can explain it to you. Or ask the man who runs your bath for you. Ask him whether he puts the plug in before he turns on the hot water. I am sure you will find he does. Living in an uninsulated house is like running a bath without the plug in. Putting the plug in can be seen as an investment. It may seem like a lot of trouble, but the bath fills up much better as a result.

Things have come to a pretty pass when we have to explain "investment" to the Governor of the Bank of England.

Yes, I know. It's not his fault. I blame the parents. Or in his case the nanny. Maybe she was a nanny goat. Or maybe he is Mervyn the Black Sheep of Dead.

Maybe we should get a new Governor of the Bank of England, and put Mervyn out to grass.

Maybe we will all wake up and find that this was all a dream.


PS Mervyn is a variant of Merlin. Just thought I'd mention it. Mistletoe, anyone?