The Scotter

This here is a diagram for a "Scotter", which is a small paddle of three-ply with a beading edge that facilitates the posting of Green Party leaflets through doors, overcoming resistance from spring loaded anti-draft flaps and moustaches, and avoids fingers bitten by dogs. Available only to Green Party leafletters - other parties will reject this technological advance as a naive, unrealistic and idealistic dream, holding that scarred and bitten fingers ar an intrinsic and unavoidable part of the political process.

It is named after a Mr Scott, the inventor, a Green Party member.

Post Officers walking slowly over a cliff, followed by dumb reporters

The Communication Workers' Union is planning a strike on December 19th (nice timing) in Liverpool, Coventry, Stockport, Oldham, Oxford, Crewe and Bolton. The cause of the dispute is not clear from the CWU site, but we have to assume that the newly ordered 4mph postal delivery "walk speed" is in there somewhere. Any skuleboy kno that 4mph is a comfortable walk speed on the flat, but that is in steady conditions, not when stopping to shove paper through spring loaded finger traps with canine teeth snip-snapping on the other side. Why Royal Mail does not supply its workers with a Scotter is beyond me. More to the point is why the CWU and the media does not point out clearly that posties are not going for a steady stroll, but are stopping and posting, and also ringing bells and waiting for people to pull their trousers up to get to the door to sign for things, so to average 4 mph they need to run all the way. Taking this zero-mph time into account means that the 4mph speed it completely unrealistic, dreamed up by a committee of managerialzationists who said "2.4 mph? I can do 4 mph no problem". Or maybe it is the Pegasus computer software that is behind it, and the committee just rubber stamped the Pegasus decision because the members have not yet progressed beyond a Sinclair ZX.

It is normal for the media to ignore these blindingly obvious facts, because the role of the media in any strike is to churn out stories of how Jo Public has been inconvenienced by the strike, but for the CWU to fail to make this argument is beyond comprehension.